Quote of the day
“All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.” – Anonymous
I am grateful for:
Actually letting myself get dragged out of the house to go on a family day out.
What did I discover new about myself?
I have anxiety.
No it’s not diagnosed and I suppose I really need to get that bit checked but the symptoms are all there.
My mind is churning almost non stop and I need to do a lot of inner work, expend a lot of energy in order to relax.
It just feels like I need to be working every time or I feel like things (especially with my blog) are going to go south.
When I’ve had too much fun, it feels like I’ve been slacking and then I play catch up.
Or beat myself up when I “run” out of time.
It’s not good.
Thankfully, I’ve already been referred to CBT and, though I’ve been doing it rather haphazardly, it’s actually pretty good and I’ve already learned a lot of new things that I can start implementing.
What was the best thing that happened to me today?
Family day out.
We went bowling – me, my husband and LS.
And I won!
Not that there was much competition.
None of us had played in years.
And one of us was 3.5 years old who had the bumpers on and needed help throwing the ball down the ramp.
He won second place though so it was very funny.
Husband can’t quite accept that he lost to a 3.5-year-old but to be fair, LS had an edge with all the equipment available to him.
What or who made today unforgettable?
Who knew you can start as early as 3.5 years old?
3 amazing things that happened today
1. Ten-pin bowling with my family (see above).
2. Eating out at Nando’s. Maybe not as cheap as we would’ve had we gone to McDonald’s just a few yards away but certainly healthier and tastier. LS gobbled up an entire sweetcorn along with chips and some chicken. It was the most he’d ever eaten out and it was fun to watch him enjoy his food.
3. LS fell asleep on the way back from sheer exhaustion, which was amazing and stressful at the same time.
How much stress did I experience?
Not much during the first half of the day.
So much towards the end.
I finally realised in the early hours of the morning of 6 January that my son must be going through a sleep regression. Cue endless hours on Google.
I still haven’t found an answer but the mommy guilt is coming down on my head like rain during a Philippine typhoon.
And I think it’s because I’m exhausted by the time bedtime comes that I don’t have the resources to react with grace.
I’m going to have to try a different bedtime routine and start an hour early to start winding down.
And I think add more play time.
I admit, I don’t play with him as often as I used to and he probably feels a bit insecure as my anxiety keeps kicking in.
Did I do something that was out my comfort zone?
Yes, I actually let go of my planner and my compulsion to tick off all the boxes in my to-do list and just have fun. Enjoy life with my family. Try new things.
For example, today is LS’ first time bowling and it’s so nice to see him cheering when he hits the pins and then dropping on the floor with a pout when he misses.
I shouldn’t laugh because he’s so sad but he’s sooooo cute. <3
What can I do better tomorrow?
I am looking at anger management classes so my emotions can help me rather than embarrass me or make me feel guilty.
I want better for my son than to think it’s normal.
He deserves better.